There was certainly evidence in support of the first hypothesis that those seeking a long-term partner and who described themselves as high in self-control would indicate interest in only a handful of their speed dating partners. After all, you can’t have lots of sexual partners if you’re also especially picky about who you spend time with.īut while these hypotheses were intuitively appealing, the data actually revealed a more complex dynamic between the three variables of selectivity, self-control, and sociosexual orientation. And conversely of course, the researchers expected no relationship between self-control and selectivity. In other words, they assumed people who felt more serious about settling down would indicate interest in fewer dates if they also scored highly on self-control, because they would be attracted only to those strangers who met their criteria for a romantic partner. They hypothesized that selectivity would correlate with self-control-but only for those with a restricted sociosexual orientation (that is, those with little interest in casual sexual relations). The researchers analysed participants’ selectivity in potential dating partners. The process continued until all the men had met all the women-then the researchers provided contact information to the couples who’d expressed a mutual interest in meeting again. When the bell went, each person indicated on a form whether they’d be interested in going on a date with the other. ĭuring each three-minute speed date, no topic of conversation was off limits for the ephemeral couples. Self-control was measured with items such as I’m able to work effectively towards long-term goals and I’m good at resisting temptation, each quantified on a scale ranging from Completely agree to Completely disagree.
Selfcontrol for window series#
That’s why psychologist Tila Pronk of Tilburg University in the Netherlands stepped up to the plate, with a fascinating study in which she and her colleagues invited students to a series of speed dating events to observe the formation of romantic relationships-in real time.īefore the speed dating commenced, each participant responded to a questionnaire which assessed two aspects of their personality: self-control and sociosexual orientation, one’s interest in and willingness to partake of sexual behaviours without expectation of deeper emotional attachment. But on the other hand, if you’re not controlled enough, you risk wasting your precious time on frivolous dates with people you know deep down simply aren’t The One.Īmazingly, until 2020 there existed almost no research on the relationship between self-control and dating success. But partners who exercise self-control-regardless of whether they feel those impulses-enjoy happier, more prosperous relationships, because they keep one eye on their urges and the other on the long term.īut how important is self-control when you’re single and looking to settle down? On the one hand, too much self-control can make you seem uptight, and potential dating opportunities may pass you by. Impulsive partners risk wrecking everything they’ve built through thoughtless misdeeds. When this sort of behaviour becomes habitual, the problems can get out of hand-and sometimes the relationship will be derailed entirely. Because no matter how much you love your partner, there will inevitably come times when you experience the urge to do something that you know will hurt them. Likewise in the workforce, self-discipline is key when you want to wow the top brass with your performance.īut there’s a less obvious realm of your life in which self-control is essential: your relationship. For every bright young person who drops out of education because of boredom or lack of motivation, another sticks it out and gains their qualifications, despite the disparity in the two individuals’ natural intelligence. Self-control is the prerequisite for all other successes in life.
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